Cafeteria Crisis

After reading Kristen's hilaaaaaarious post about being maliciously attacked by a bee, I was reminded of a little event that happened in the life of 1st grade last week and it is called: My entire 1st grade class went nuts last week when we all got attacked by a yellow jacket. Allow me to explain.

My kids and myself are constantly, and I mean constantly seeing gross little creepy crawly critters everywhere in our room. This mainly has to do with the fact that my kids are border line disgusting and always miss the trash can by about 10 feet and tiiiiiiny little pieces of food are always on the floor. Anyway, so bugs are a regular occurrence with Miss Shrop's youngins. And normally, at lunch, because we sit right by the door that leads outside (to the dumpsters no less) we are frequented by the occasional fly. No big deal, just a little fly. Well, one day as I am frantically trying to get my Lean Cuisine into the microwave, have a sip of my DC and get all 18 of my kids through the lunch line, two of my kids start to swat and hit at what seems to be a fly. I start to get annoyed and tell them to chill out it is just a--when I realize, it is no fly. Oh no. It is no bee. OH NO. It. Is. A. YELLOW JACKET.

Now, I do not do stinging insects. I really don't do insects at all. Actually, I hate them. I especially hate STINGING insects. I am literally terrified. Well, after I realize what it was, it seems as if all my kids decide they're going to come and sit down at the table at this time. Well, that leads to mass chaos, kids running around the table, attempting to stab it, YES STAB IT, with forks, squash it with milk cartons, clap their hands together in a spastic like manner. You name it they did it. Some of them even sat there and LAUGHED as it crawled in their hair! Obviously all these "remedies" fueled the Jacket's anger even more as it buzzed and dive bombed every single one of us.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, you're the teacher, calm them down, gain control, but there was no calming down or controlling because I was just as freaked out as they were. I attempted to trap it with napkins several failed times, and each time it didn't work, I proceeded to crouch down into the fetal position praying that SOMEONE would rescue me from this yellow jacket hell. This entire event only lasted MAYBE a minute, but it seemed like forever. Finally, another teacher ran to my rescue and swatted the YJ out of a child's hair (cause THAT'S RIGHT, I was just going to let it crawl through this kids scalp. I thought about grabbing it, but my selflessness went right out the window) and squashed it into the cafeteria floor. I told her thank you about a million times and how deathly afraid of them I was and how if there was anything she needed, just let me know! And she told me, "Don't mention it! Now, next time, if it's a snake, you'll be the one I'll call!" Little does SHE know if there's a snake, I'm takin my big a on up out that place.